12 Tips for Navigating the Holidays While Hurting

12 Tips for Navigating the Holidays While Hurting

Reprinted with Permission from Lifeway FactsandTrends.net

Extracted from an article written by Laura Petherbridge

The year 2020 has been exceptionally difficult for all of us. The holiday season can be an excruciating time of year for those experiencing a loss. In addition to the pandemic and the death of a loved one, long term solitude, a divorce, illness, family trauma, job loss, or moving to a new location can cause serious depression.

Take a moment during this season of “good cheer” and consider people in your congregation or small group who may be in the wake of a loss of any type, or who have been alone these past months during the pandemic. Give them a call and let them know you are thinking of them. It may even be you wading through a period of grief.

Here are a few suggestions for navigating what can be a difficult time for many:


The ambush of emotions can attack at any time, therefore the wisest response is to prepare beforehand. Pinpoint a time you believe may be particularly difficult such as Christmas morning, or Thanksgiving meal. Then determine a plan beforehand.

Have the phone number of your counselor, church, close friend or a hotline already programmed into your phone. Plan to call someone if negative thoughts become intense. Seek out a support group that specializes in your loss; many of them have events targeted to ease the pain during the holidays.

Accept your reality

The difficulty of this time of year may be a reminder of your loss. Remember that it’s a season and it will pass. Don’t feel guilty if your goal for the holidays this year is to “get through it.”


Don’t hibernate. Insecure feelings may tempt you to isolate, but force yourself to go out even if it’s only for a short walk. We were made for community.

Lower your expectations

Movies and songs often paint a very unrealistic picture of the holidays. Most people don’t have a  Norman Rockwell family—and that’s OK.

Don’t medicate with the wrong things

A common tendency is to seek to dull the pain with drugs or alcohol. Numbing emotional distress with chemicals often creates more depression and anxiety. Plus you may do something you’ll regret.

Give yourself permission to pass on painful traditions

If old ornaments or trimmings cause too much pain don’t hang them this year. Put them aside for  another time. Avoid fragrances, music, or locations that may trigger sadness.

Get moving

Take care of your physical well-being. Healthy foods will give you strength; fattening foods and sugar can make you sluggish or even worsen depression. Exercise produces natural stress reducers.

Shop online

Shop online, but watch for over-spending as it may be a negative coping mechanism with disastrous results.

If weather permits, get outside

Get some sunshine. Winter can take its toll on our emotions due to a loss of sun we experience. Try taking a walk.

Set boundaries

Precisely explain to your family and friends what you are capable of doing this year, and what you aren’t. Don’t let others guilt you into taking on more than you can handle.

Empathize with others

People who have never suffered loss may not understand your pain during the holidays. In particular  if your loss isn’t obvious such as the death of a loved one, you may need to explain why you are struggling.

Be creative

Make a plan for your holiday this year. Go hiking, call a friend, play an instrument, try your hand at painting, have some craft projects or a puzzle ready. Find someone else who may be struggling this year and make plans.

LAURA PETHERBRIDGE is an international author and speaker who serves couples and single adults with topics on relationships, stepfamilies, divorce prevention, and divorce recovery. She can be found at TheSmartStepmom.com.